


a target that i'm probably gonna miss

by Beta Shift (tashayar)



Series: Aux Crew Writing Club [Weekly Prompts] [2]
Category: Shield of Tomorrow (Webseries)
Genre: First Dates, Flashbacks, Gen, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roleplaying Character, Starfleet Academy, USS Sally Ride Aux Crew
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 09:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13900926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tashayar/pseuds/Beta%20Shift
Summary: She had first seen Elias Greenbaum in one of her medical classes — microbiology or physiology, Ray couldn’t quite remember — but she hadn’t actually met him until they passed each other outside of her disciplinary hearing.





	a target that i'm probably gonna miss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [USS Sally Ride Aux Crew Writing Club](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=USS+Sally+Ride+Aux+Crew+Writing+Club).



> Title from blink 182's "First Date"

She had first seen Elias Greenbaum in one of her medical classes — microbiology or physiology, Ray couldn’t quite remember — but she hadn’t actually met him until they passed each other outside of her disciplinary hearing.

 

Ray prided herself in her nonchalant attitude and her ability to remain composed, at least outwardly, but she had just let her emotions get the better of her. That was the kind way of saying that she had snapped at the admirals on her review board to such an extent that Ray was surprised she hadn’t been suspended on the spot. That, along with this boy’s  _ hair _ , the yellow blond of a sunny day and swept to the side like he had a whole team to style it for him, made Ray stop and stare rather uncharacteristically.

 

Somewhere between her confused attempts at navigating flirting genuinely, and with a human at that, and his amused comments about liking bad girls, they had planned a date for that Friday night. Ray didn’t entirely process the whole situation until the moment she was walking up to the door of the restaurant. Standing there she realized a couple things all at once. First, she hadn’t ever been on a date where she wasn’t trying to deceive her partner to gain access to confidential information while behind enemy lines, and on top of that she had never been in a romantic relationship, not even a fabricated one.

 

Second, Ray wasn’t sure she was ready to go into this date pretending like she knew what she was doing; she wanted to leave the mask she wore for so many years behind on Terok Nor. Third, Terok Nor was now Deep Space 9, and she had been gone from that place long enough that she should have had ample time to work through these things before now. Ray was going to be a counselor, how could she have forgotten to work through her own issues while she was learning how to help other people work through theirs?

 

Finally, Ray realized she had forgotten the heels she was going to change into back at her dorm.

 

Even if the situation was unfamiliar, the feeling of anxiety and unpreparedness was not. Ray learned that when she was nervous, it was always better to jump straight into the situation. If she gave herself time to think, she would be much more likely to make a mistake. On some level she realized this was a date, not life or death, but strangely, she found comfort in the familiar, even if the stakes were much lower now. So Ray strode through the doors with the confidence reminiscent of an excited tourist with no idea of where they’re going.

 

Luckily for Ray, there was a hostess not five paces inside whose face lit up with recognition when she walked in.

 

“You here for an Elias?” The hostess asked. She was a redheaded human with a friendly smile. “I was told to look for a lady with the wildest braids I’d ever seen. That has to be you, right?”

 

“Guilty as charged,” Ray replied without realizing the irony, given her recent hearing.

 

The hostess led her to a table where Elias was already sitting down. He stood up when he saw Ray approaching, a smile forming across his face. He was out of uniform and instead wearing a navy sports jacket and khakis, his hair just as mesmerizing as it had been the day they planned this date.

 

“Cadet Yara,” Elias said with a nod as they both took their seats. “You look wonderful this evening.”

 

_ “Pretty young thing like you shouldn’t be drinking alone.” _

 

Ray shook away the memory, reminding herself the person sitting in front of her had pale skin, not gray. “Thank you,” she replied with a pleasant smile. “And while I appreciate the formality, I think you should probably call me Ray.”

 

“I didn’t want to presume.” Elias returned the smile. “I suppose it’s only fair, then, that you call me Elias.”

 

_ “Toran. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” _

 

“Well, I’m no expert in human cuisine,” Ray said through the dryness she felt creeping up in her mouth. She glanced at a menu to distract herself. “Do you have any recommendations?”

 

“You could try a burrito,” Elias offered. “I hear they kind of resemble hasperat.”

 

_ “Can I get you anything to make you more comfortable? Deka tea? Hasperat?” _

 

“No, no I’m here to try new things,” Ray insisted, ignoring her increasing heart rate and her pulse pounding in her ears. “What’s your favorite?”

 

“Burgers are pretty classic. We can get some sliders if you want to share, see if you like them.”

 

_ “Oh, I’m going to like you, I can already tell.” _

 

“Sliders it is then.” Ray’s hands shook as she put the menu back on the table. She realized with a jolt of panic that she was seated with her back to the exit. “So, uh, how’d you end up in Starfleet?”

 

Elias seemed just as eager as anyone to talk about himself, and the more he talked, the more Ray felt her anxiety ebb away. She wasn’t listening too closely to what he was saying; she was more focused on steadying her breathing and keeping her mind in the here and now. That must explain why, when the waitress came to take their order, Ray not only agreed to share the sliders, but also a bottle of wine.

 

By the time the food arrived, Ray found herself picking up a glass of wine that she had already finished. When had that happened? Running on autopilot, she reached for the bottle to refill the glass.

 

“Here, let me.” Ray felt herself snap back into her own body when Elias’s hand came to rest over hers, wrapping around the wine bottle.

 

Ray’s body reacted the second it felt the contact, adrenaline rushing into her bloodstream and everything in her coiling tightly to lash out or bolt. She was trapped. She had to find a way out. She was too weak to fight. She had to think fast, get out fast, get away  _ fast _ .

 

She bolted.

 

She heard Elias call her name from behind her, but it sounded like she was underwater and he was at the surface. Faces passed by too quickly for her to process. There was the feel of earth under her feet and a rush of cold air hit her face.

 

She was outside the restaurant, back pressed against the outer wall. Was she crying? She couldn’t breathe. The world was tilting, everything entering orbit around her as the foci. She shut her eyes.

 

Breathe in through the nose…

 

...and out through the mouth.

 

In through the nose…

 

...out through the mouth.

 

In…

 

...out.

 

Good, can you hear me?

 

Ray?

 

Ray opened her eyes when she realized the voice she was hearing was coming from someone else.

 

Elias was kneeling next to her — when had she sat down? — with a calm but concerned expression on his face.

 

“Y-yeah, I can hear you,” Ray said, blinking a few times and pushing herself away from the wall to sit up. “I don’t know…” She trailed off as she searched for words to finish the sentence.

 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Elias said softly. “I’m going to be a nurse, remember?” He must have mentioned that while Ray wasn’t paying attention. “I know what a panic attack looks like.”

 

“I do, too,” Ray said, somewhat indignantly, “but not because I’ve ever had one!”

 

“Something happened when I touched your hand,” Elias observed. “I’m sorry, I should have been more considerate.”

 

Ray shook her head. “You had no reason to, even  _ I  _ didn’t know.” There was silence for a moment. “You’ve heard about what I did during The Occupation, right?”

 

“I try not to listen to rumors,” Elias replied, “but I think I can guess.”

 

“I’m obviously not as ready to start dating again as I thought I was,” Ray said with a sad smile as she used the back of her hand to wipe off her face.

 

“Well, you don’t have to.” Elias stood, then slowly offered her a hand. “Let’s try this whole thing again as friends instead.”

 

Ray looked up at him and nodded.

 

With a breath of reprieve, she took his hand.


End file.
